She Chose to Rise: The Podcast

Breaking the Silence | She Chose to Rise: The Podcast

Mariatu Esther Kabba Season 1 Episode 3

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0:00 | 35:50

What happens when silence is expected — and speaking up feels impossible? In this episode of She Chose to Rise: The Podcast, host Mariatu Esther Kabba sits down with Elita from Bangladesh to explore the quiet pressures that shape women's lives and the courage it takes to reclaim your voice. Through a deeply personal conversation, Elita reflects on breaking free from expectations, trusting her own truth, and discovering that even the smallest act of speaking can be the beginning of transformation.

Hosted by Mariatu Esther Kabba | A Global Rise & Soar Production
 Produced in partnership with Engage Salone

SPEAKER_00

Silence can be learned, it can be taught, and it can be inherited. This issue choose to rise, a global storytelling podcast and an annual book project. It's a global rise in store production in partnership with engaged alone. In many places, talent is framed as protection, as dignity, as survival. But talent also carries weight. It settles into the body. It reshapes how a woman sees herself and what she believes she is allowed to name. Elita Karim is from Bangladesh. Her story is not about one moment, but about many years of struggling to speak out, of being fearful, to speak out loud. And the slow, deliberate choice to speak anyway. This episode is about what it costs to stay quiet and what it takes to break the silence, even when your voice shakes. This is Alita's story.

SPEAKER_03

I'm Alita Karim and I'm a singer and a journalist from Bangladesh. And I'm really happy to be here because I think no matter what you do in life, how much you rise as well, it uh you know, there comes a time when you think that okay, you know what, I really need to speak out a lot more, share the experiences maybe a little more than I'm usually doing. Right. Uh, because you never know how your stories or your experience can actually uh touch the lives of maybe ten more people. Right. So I think that's what we are doing here today. Um, and I'm so glad that I'm a part of this project, um, which basically empowers women, right? Shares their stories, and I'm I'm really happy to share my story as well.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. So sweet to hear. Um, before we go in depth, um, I believe audience may want to get some context. Um, where were you raised and how would you describe like the environment you grew up as a girl?

SPEAKER_03

I was actually raised in the Middle East. Um, I was raised in Saudi Arabia in in the 90s.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

And um it was my first home actually. Uh before considering Bangladesh, my home. It was actually my my home was actually in Saudi Arabia. I was I was raised in the eastern province by the sea. And uh I went to school there. Uh I grew up in an international community.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Mainly uh w uh uh you know with uh uh South Asians, um Asians actually. Not only South Asians, and my father was a teacher, and um that that uh I my you know if I think about it, that's like another life. But I think I had a very um good and a healthy childhood. Uh I had friends around me, I had doting parents. Uh of course in the back in the nineteen uh nineties, Asi Asian parents uh well Asian parents have always been very strict about education, um, about discipline, and mine were no different. So yes, I had a very, very um healthy touch wood, I had a very healthy and a good childhood um with three more siblings. And uh and then finally we moved to uh Bangladesh when I was when I finished when when I finished high school and I had to get into a university, so that's when I actually moved to Bangladesh.

SPEAKER_00

Great. So born in that Bangladesh and grew up in Saudi Arabia. I grew up in Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia. Interesting. Um so talking about two different countries um as a girl, how were you brought up and how this shape who you are today as a leader?

SPEAKER_03

Um, you know, in uh when when when I was growing up, when we were growing up, I think in Saudi Arabia back then things were very different uh as compared to how it is now. We were very sheltered. I think we were children even after we finished our high school. Okay, because we were very we were very much sheltered. We I I realize now that we really didn't have um an outlook or an um what can I say uh an idea of how the world actually what the world is all about or how the world really looked. Right. The kind of independence that you needed to, you know, um go out into the world to start working or meeting people. I don't think we really have that. I don't think I had that. It was only after I started my university, my undergrads in Bangladesh. Right, um, that's when I started to realize, okay, things are different, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Things are different, and you really need to you need to learn more, and there is no ending to learning, of course. Right. And um I think uh and and and of course in Bangladesh I I think I had another round of growing up in my like late teens and twenties because that's when I actually uh I think I started to uh how can I say this, like be more face-to-face with the reality and be uh and also understand confrontations and actually deal with in learning how to deal with real life. Um as a human being, as a girl, obviously um you do f face a lot of challenges. But I think that w whatever has happened till now, right now I can confidently say that it's because of my past experiences that today, if I am a strong individual, if I have achieved something in life, it's I uh it's big because of how my life was shaped in both these countries.

SPEAKER_00

Right. In your story on the book, you describe how silence was something was something you learned earlier. So, like what were you thought directly or indirectly about speaking up as a woman?

SPEAKER_03

I think because we grew up in a very sheltered environment. Right. When you sh say sheltered, um when I say sheltered, I mean that we didn't have to bother about speaking out at all.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Or also because where where I had grown up, things were a little very very much restricted as well, okay, in terms of laws coming from the kingdom in the the government, uh, and which basically shaped the society where we live, where we were growing up. So I think in the society where we grew up, it was mostly was let's not talk about this now. Or um are you having an issue? Are you having um something that maybe you shouldn't talk about with your friends or in school?

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

You know, let's try to cover it. I mean, like cover it up. I think that's the kind of environment that I had grown up, and why I say sheltered is because I still had my issues, many of my issues. I've been privileged, actually, I should say. That I've had many of my issues and my problems uh semi-solved or half-solved or fully solved because of very supportive parents, I should say. Because I was growing up in in the Middle East and I didn't have really a chance to compare how life would be growing up somewhere else, I was very happy being sheltered. It's it was only after I got out of the home and outside the, you know, outside the four walls, and I started to realize that things are really not as easy as they have been with me. Um in the story I mentioned about silence, and that is the incident where I actually you know I where I actually write about how I realize that you know just covering up something or sheltering myself or um being silent the entire time is really not the solution to the problems that that we face.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Small or big.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

We do need to in the story you will see that at one point I do scream out. Right. In in fear or in frustration at the people who are trying to harass me. Right. And then and that's when a lot of the other people who were there in the in the if you read the story, you would know how By the book. By the book, yes, but I'm just gonna mention a little bit. It's about how uh a group of people were trying to harass me in the streets of Thaka, and to escape them, I entered uh um a music shop, and I and that's when at one point I was like, I'm not gonna be silent, and I screamed at the people who were who were who were following me for days and making me all scared and frightened about my whereabouts. Right. When I screamed out, I took a step to say no, you cannot continue to do this. That's when I had other people come in and support me. Because you people will come and support you and help you, or you will get help and assistance only when you start helping yourself. And I think that's what happened in my case as well. There were people around me who were supporting me and they actually stepped up because I was very young and I didn't know how to s to save myself or or I didn't know I did not know how to um what was the right thing to do. Right. When I screamed out, finally, I voiced out, I let I let my my voice conquer that space for like a few seconds. That's when the other people were like, She's right. Why what what are you guys doing? Why are you here?

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Are you are you trying to create issues? Are you trying to create problems? What do you want?

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_03

You know? Yeah. So that's what it was very, I think, very symbolic for me, this the whole idea of breaking the silence and screaming out or voicing out at that particular moment because I felt safe. I felt like, okay, so at least I know that there is a way to use your voice. If ever you are physically confr you know, uh you you f you've physically face these kind of issues in the streets. I'm sure not everyone has been lucky. I'm sure there are there are like really intense and severe issues. There were maybe you screaming wouldn't really work all the time. But that was just the first step of me learning that my voice is not only for singing, right? It's also for um keeping me safe. Right.

SPEAKER_00

For shouting aloud for the world to know you need help, right? Because in the in in your chapter you you write about like that moment that you really felt something was not right. I mean, you mentioned growing up you felt sheltered and you you like perceived that as a way to way of life, you know, it's protective and until you grow up to the actuality, realizing things.

SPEAKER_03

And uh, it's not only your voice, it's not only your your vocal cords, it's not only your brain. I think uh there are times when you face danger and your entire body is becomes defensive. And I think that's when the body tells you do something, speak out, scream, right? That's like the first bit of uh self-defense that you can actually uh uh uh you know, a self-defense action that you can actually take.

SPEAKER_00

Right, yeah. So what did breaking the silence look like for you? Is it quiet? Is it loud? Is it gradual? Is it private, like that moment of moving from the It's liberating.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, it was very, very liberating because I felt like okay, you know, I found I'm the kind of person who grew up very chatty. I love to talk to aunties, I love to, you know, talk and anchor programs, be the master of ceremonies, um, conduct a show. I've been doing that ever since I was little. But using my voice, and of course singing, but using my voice to actually save myself or defend myself from strangers who are trying to harass me. Of course, you you're always screaming when you're playing football with your friends, or you know, you're you're in the playground with your friends and you're playing tag, because I grew up with with all those kinds of you know, playground games. That's one thing. That's that's you're doing you're using your voice uh with your friends, that's fine. But then when there are strangers in the streets, they're trying to harass you on your way to class or something important that you do on a regular basis, you know. If I didn't voice out, then I would probably just I would have maybe stopped going to class.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So the moment of voicing out, like when you realize this is it, it's a defined moment, right? I need to what was the thought running through?

SPEAKER_03

Like, okay, I'm gonna do it, but you know No, I think I I don't even even remember. I don't think uh anything actually comes to your mind at at that particular time when you're your body, right? And it's like uh an instant, immediate reaction, right? However, I I was why I was scared, I think, I think there were like so many things going on in my head at the at that moment. One thing is that that was the regular, usual daily path that I would take at least three or four times or five times a day of a a week. And as I as I wrote in the story, if you buy the book, you would see you would know, is that I if that's like a regular activity that you're doing and if you're always facing challenges, you would at one point e f feel frustrated and scared.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_03

That is this what's what my life is gonna be for the like for the rest of my life? Is this what what I'm gonna be facing? Is this what my life is about now? Like every time, so every time I'm gonna leave the house, I'm uh you know, I'll have this. I don't know, I used to have this, I used to get all claustrophobic. You know? Is that oh my god, are are are they gonna be there now? Are they gonna be harassing me? Are they gonna be are these guys gonna be following me? You know, is this the day? Is today the day when they'll finally come and touch me or grab me or something? You know, I was scared. And then at one point I was like, how much longer is this gonna go on for? I have to, I I didn't have a plan. I have to stop this right now, I have to do something about this right now.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

So I think that's that that's what happened.

SPEAKER_00

Right. So when you finally decided to like fight and shout, and how did all this say family, friends, um, all the people around you in society respond? Like, how did that response affect you?

SPEAKER_03

I I had a lot of positive. I mean, I I think maybe I was I was overthinking at one point that maybe I'm not gonna say anything, or maybe just staying quiet would save me, and that's much more important than actually fighting. Right. But but you know, but that's not what happened. I mean, uh I didn't get any neg uh negative reactions. I actually got positive reactions from my family, from my friends. And also I had uh uh that way when when the story got out, and because it happened right next to my university, many of my friends were like, hey, we have to start looking out for each other.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Because maybe the roads are not safe. It's not only for girls, right? For for anybody, maybe the streets are not safe. So what whatever we can do, let's let's do that. So it kind of became like an unofficial club, maybe maybe not a club, but then I made a lot of friends, right? We were looking out for each other, and and through that, my I think I gr I got more confident enough to um, you know, do uh go on with my activities. Same thing at home. I would always think that, you know, maybe if I got into a fight or if I did something and uh you know the strict society would probably condemn me for it, you know, because and then maybe my mother would say, staying safe is the is the best option, you know, you shouldn't have done this, or why were you there? Why did you go there? You know, I but actually after I did this, my my mother appreciated me because she she said, You you can never stop going, you know, you you're not gonna stop your education because of a few people harassing you in the streets.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You cannot do that, but you have to stay safe, you know, you have to balance it out because that's how the world is. You have to stay safe, you have to get people, you know, like maybe be in a group or talk about how you can actually look after each other, look out for each other, and you you you cannot stop what you're destined for.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Only because a few people are there are are out there to stop you. You cannot stop yourself because it it's it's like how in my culture we say it's already written. It's already written here and here. Your your palm and your forehead. Your palm and your and my forehead is like my it's written by God here and here.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

You know how people say that, you know, I can read your palm. Right. Or and then we also say in my culture, like, you know, it's written on your forehead. Yeah. Which basically means it's written, it's stamped. Yeah. You know, you can't change. So if you're destined to become a singer, you will be a singer. If you're destined to become uh a professor or a teacher or a successful person, God has God has already written it for you.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Fate is going to is is you know, like is on your side, but you really need to work hard. You cannot just sit around and wait for God and fate to like, you know, out of nowhere, you know, you you cannot just become the person uh just because God has written it. You know, that's how we actually explain it. It's a very um, I think it's a very sweet way of saying it, which is why I'm I'm um I'm referring to this whole concept right now, right? The cultural concept that we have. But you have to work at it. Right. You have to voice out, you cannot stay silent all the time. Exactly. You cannot stay silent. And I think and I think and that's exactly what my mother told me is that if you're if you're destined for something great, nobody can stop you.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Okay, so positive feedback from everyone around, it's like a moment of eye-opening. It needed that person to take the the first step, right? And everybody can see, oh, this was a problem. That's that was a moment, right? So, how did finding your voice, you know, in terms of protecting yourself, really change the relationship with yourself?

SPEAKER_03

I think I grew up right at that moment. You have to remember that I was very new to the country as well. My I mean my own country, but I was very new because I I didn't grow up there. But I was commuting all by myself. I did not have a guide to tell me, oh, you know what, maybe sometimes when you when you're on a s on on a rickshaw, we have cycle rickshaws in my country, you should you shouldn't go to that LUA. It's it's not safe. Maybe you should take the long route around. Right. I didn't have a guide to tell me all that. I had to figure out by myself. And these are big steps actually for a young girl at back, I'm talking about like the early 2000s. Right. It is actually a big thing because if you have friends, if you've like grown up somewhere and you have you you grew up with friends, you would know your city much better. Right. But I didn't. I didn't grow up with I didn't grow up with friends in Takha in Bangladesh. I had friends back in Saudi Arabia.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

We grew up together. So it was it was different for me, right? Very physical and very uh emotional as well. It was like an emotional and a physical shift from one in that space to another. So I had to figure all this all this by myself. But when I screamed, when I voiced out, and that was also a very physical thing, of course, and when I saw that okay, there are people, people are not all that bad, there are people helping me, supporting me. I think I grew up right at that moment, and I was much more confident, I became much more confident to okay, I don't know this area, but I'm gonna go and explore that area. I'm not only talking about streets and alleyways, I'm also I'm I'm referring to all kinds of spaces that allow you to grow up and become an established human human being, a person. You have to go out there and explore. I think that's what happened to me. I'm like, I was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna start exploring. I'm gonna do all the things that I've always dreamt of, you know.

SPEAKER_00

In She Chose to Rise, we are telling stories about women who've made one quiet, dangerous, but courageous decision to speak when silent will have been safer. And today we have with us Alita Karim from Bangladesh. This project has two components of it. We have the podcast and then the annual book, an anthology of women from around the world. Who chose to speak? Here is an excerpt of Elita's story in the book. I learned early that talent was safer than truth, that questions were dangerous, that obedience was praised more than honesty. So I learned to listen, to absorb, to disappear in plain sight. But silence was a cost. It teaches you to doubt your own reality, to second guess your instincts, to shrink your voice until it no longer feels like yours. Breaking silence did not happen all at once. It happened in fragments, in whispers, and the courage to say, this is not right. So how like what you experienced, what you went through, like the ways that those experiences are shaping who you are, like what you do right now in terms of career, the causes you care about today, like how is that prevalent? How did those experiences shape?

SPEAKER_03

I think those experiences actually shaped the way I think right now and the way I move right now as well. Because as I told you, I'm a singer, I'm in Bangladesh. I I have I have done a lot of stage shows. I've also done it outside Bangladesh as well. I've done a lot of tours as well. As a journalist, I have gone outside, I've stepped outside my comfort zone to do stories on sex trafficking. I have done stories on governance, I have written about I have reflected on stories of women in the in in rural Bangladesh. And for that I had to step outside my comfort zone. I had because it was it was my work, it was my job. And I had to go to places uh, you know, like miles away from Taka City, to villages and rural places where where I could sit down with them, be one of them, the population, and listen to their stories so that I could write about them. Right. Because I I I worked for the for the print media for excuse me, for 20 years. Same thing with my singing, because when I'm singing, I'm just not sitting with a guitar inside a room and singing. I'm I'm traveling, I'm moving from one place to another, from one environment to another, from one space to another space. And if I hadn't voiced out that one time, if I hadn't grown up at that moment, and if I hadn't realized that the world is mine, this city is mine, this country is mine, right? You know, I have to explore uh my thoughts, and I have to, uh, you know, uh working towards um achieving my dreams. If that confidence hadn't become a part of me or grown within me, I don't think I would have been able to do any of the things that I just mentioned right now.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Um, two questions. Two in one. So do you think what you faced was because you are a woman? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

Absolutely. Because it's easier to harass a woman, uh especially if she looks timid, and if you if they think you look weak, and they've been observing me for some time now. They've been trying to scare me, you know. They enjoyed it when I was getting all scared, when I looked all the more timid.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

You know? It was it was uh entertainment for them.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Right? So of course it was because I was a woman.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

So going back to some of the early discussions, I might have missed this, but how did you gain that confidence to say enough?

SPEAKER_03

I I you know I didn't have the confidence. When you're in fear and when when you have actually had enough, that's when your body responds. Right. Because when I saw when I entered the shop to save myself, because I saw a a few people there, and I could recognize a few faces from my university, right, right next to the the CD shop. So I I I was like, okay, familiar faces, I think this space might be safe for me because music, right? So I entered. That's that's what me what made me enter the that space. And um, and when the people who were following me when they came in, I was like, whoa, they're entering my space. So they can they can go and so that which which means if I am in university, like with my friends, these people can come and harass me there too. If I don't stop them now, I won't be able to stop them ever. And I think it was my body that responded because I screamed out.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

You know, like I scre I really I and that was very, very loud. And that actually that caused like a ripple effect, I think, because that caused everyone to come. The people who were there, the manager who was who was sitting inside the room to come out as well. And and be there for me and support me.

SPEAKER_00

Speaking up is not all that easy, especially when you've learned that if you're easy for Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_03

And I think for that you would have to you would have to take the step of step to, you know, like okay, um you need you really need to get out of your comfort zone. Once you do that, your body starts starts experiencing a lot of changes, you automatically you find yourself facing a lot of challenges and facing your fears.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Yeah. Straight to that, globally, many women across the world are still living in silence, going through a lot, but still feel safer in silence. What would you want them to know?

SPEAKER_03

There uh I I I have seen women and I have spoken to women who are not in a safe space at all, but they're stuck there, and it's very, very difficult for them to actually get out of that space and save themselves or speak out. And if I if I actually say that no, you have to step out of your comfort zone and speak out, I wouldn't be f it it it wouldn't be fair on them because it really takes a lot for many people, especially if you're part of society that tells you to do exactly that. Right. However, I would still urge them to look for ways that can take you out of that the dungeon that you're stuck in. Because trust me, there are ways that can actually take you out of that particular the dark place that you're in.

SPEAKER_00

There are talking about those ways, are they like is that like physical or it's a mental it starts with mental, of course.

SPEAKER_03

It's our you first have to decide that okay, I you know, I I'm I'm gonna change my I I'm gonna change the way I look at life. I'm gonna ch because the only person who can change is you. You can change yourself. You cannot wait. If I if I sit and wait for other people to come and help me out, it's not gonna happen. You have to take that first step. And that is the most difficult step. You need to take that step and first think that okay, you know what, I'm gonna change the way I think. I am going to, I'm not gonna let the person who I live with take advantage of me anymore. It might be like a a a s a little ity beatsy thing happening at home, maybe, which would inspire you to think that way, you know. You have to once you get that thought inside you, you know, hold on to that thought. Hold hold on to that mental space that you just created for yourself because it's very important that you hold on to it and you start thinking more. If you are in in a in a space where it's really dangerous for you to get out, take time. Take time, think about it. Look for, I mean, can you call the police? Can you call a neighbor? Do you have friends around you? Are you okay to make a phone call? You know, do you have the opportunity to go out and do something? Think about this and take that step. I um this I'm talking about the people who I've actually spoken to and you know have have had some experiences with them. But then there there are also other people who have all these opportunities, but they're still stuck somewhere. And that and that also is a different kind of a problem.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

For that I would say the same thing. I mean, you really need to you really, really need to step out of your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

You know, take that extra step, walk that extra mile.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So if you could go back to younger Alita, the part of you that was still silent. What would you say now?

SPEAKER_03

You should have screamed earlier. That's all I'm gonna say. You should have voiced out a little earlier, maybe. Yeah, the earlier it happens, the better it is for you. But I have no regret.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, well, this is she chose to rise, so in your perspective, what does rising mean to you today?

SPEAKER_03

Being kind, being human. Um when I rise, and if I rise, I I think I am rising also on behalf of my community, the people around me. Because you cannot do anything on your own. There I I'm sorry to say this, but I don't believe that there is any such thing as a self-made man or a self-made woman. There are always people around you supporting you, you know. Even the roommate that you live with, who you who you live with, you know. Uh maybe she's cooking something and and you know, and I'm like, okay, hey, I didn't cook anything, I just have the leftover. That's that's support enough. Or the uh the shop downstairs where the shopkeeper knows you and you know, keeping the best piece of fruit for you or something, you know, keeping it aside because the shopkeeper knows that, you know, these are some funny examples that I'm giving. But but, or maybe your teacher who appreciates the way you think, or maybe a friend, uh, you know, or someone you talk to, you all these experiences and all these actions and activities they do affect you and your mental mental space, um, and they do encourage you, motivate you, inspire you to grow. So if I rise and when I rise, I rise because of all these people around me and my community. If I have the opportunity to rise, then once I reach that place, I have to make sure that I help other people rise as well.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

If I have that opportunity, I need to make sure that happens. Because when I rise, it's not just me rising. It's everyone with me. I rise with my community. Yeah. Well, that's a powerful one. Yeah, because I need to pull people up. I I should not push them down.

SPEAKER_01

Right. You know?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And you there's no self-made man.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that's my definition. Um, you know, um, people will define it in different ways, but I think there's like a like a whole village out there who's which is supporting you.

SPEAKER_00

Well, thank you so much for joining us in this first episode. And I believe people are looking forward to read the book to get the in-depth of your story.

SPEAKER_03

And those watching and and and and listening to us, I would tell you, please buy a copy of the book. Get a copy, and there are so many beautiful stories of so many beautiful women from all over the world. You know, it's going to be an exciting experience for all of you.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. Breaking silence doesn't always look loud. Sometimes it begins with a private truth, a boundary, a refusal to disappear. A little story reminds us that voice is not just about sound, it's about presence, about believing yourself enough to speak. If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to reflect. Where have you been silent to survive? And what might it mean to speak gently, safely, in your own time. You can read Elita's full story in She Jose to Rise wherever you can get your book from. You can share this episode of the podcast with someone who needs it, and you can remember that your voice matters even before the world is ready to hear it. This is She Just the Rise stories of women who spoke when silence was safer. It's a global rise in swear production in partnership with engaged alone. I am Maria Tim. Until next time, keep rising.